There are many many books written about relationships in families but the only one that is perfect is The Holy Bible.
And of course, 1 Corinthians 13 is a great place to start: “Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.” 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 KJV
There is an old saying “Charity begins at home!” “Charity” is more than “love”. Charity I believe is a “Christlike” love!
“Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 KJV
Verse 7 describes in detail how to have a perfect relationship with anyone! But let’s look specifically at the family.
In counseling sessions we always begin with forgiving the mother and the father. Even if you had great parents - because they are human we know they are not perfect. We must also repent of the unforgiveness we’ve held against our parents as it is sin. And we repent of our judgments against them. When we judge them, not only do their sins and their diseases come into our lives but we end up doing the same dumb things they did. Or we marry someone just like our mom or dad; one who has the very same faults we judged.
It is impossible to live 1st Corinthian’s 13:7 without repenting of unforgiveness, judgments, resentments & bitterness anger & pride! There is no “bearing” when the devil is reminding you of every awful thing they did! There is no “enduring”; there is no “believing” when all “hope” is gone! There is no forgiving without God’s intervention! He must open eyes, ears and change hearts for one to obey His Word! Then “charity” becomes a reality!
What else does The Word say about the family?
“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.” Proverbs 14:1 KJV
We as mothers can do everything right and still get it wrong, by worshipping our children above God. They become idols when we put them above everything else.
“Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth: Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;” Exodus 20:4-5 KJV
Or maybe we have usurped our husband in authority. Instead of submitting to him as head of the house, we call the shots.
“For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.” Ephesians 5:23 KJV
Or maybe we have held onto our role as “mother” and failed to let our adult children be adults.
“For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.” Ephesians 5:31 KJV
All of these scenarios are in place because of us not dealing with the sins hidden in our hearts. Spirits of rejection and fear; lusting for approval; anger - all torment us with fear of abandonment and uselessness. We’ve done so much, for so many, for so long - what will we do when we are no longer needed? The house we built we now tear down when the kids and their families don't want to come by anymore because of our clinging, over protective, or demanding expectations. Marriages are often destroyed by manipulative mothers.
We hear a great deal about the Proverbs 31 wife and we all would love to be her.
“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.” Proverbs 31:10 KJV
But Proverbs has other things to say about wives too.
“A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.” Proverbs 12:4 KJV
“It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.” Proverbs 21:19 KJV
“It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.”
Proverbs 25:24 KJV
So how do we become that wife who is called blessed?
“Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.” Proverbs 31:28 KJV
We improve our relationship with our families by improving our relationship with God!
“Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.”Matthew 22:37 KJV
That means you cannot love anyone or anything above God; even your husband or your children. God must have your whole heart; not just part!
“If ye love me, keep my commandments.” John 14:15 KJV
It means obey His Word. Forgive, repent, submit!
“For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
Matthew 6:14-15 KJV
If you have unforgiveness in your heart you will not be forgiven! Forgive your parents! Forgive your husband! Forgive your kids! And repent of the sin of unforgiveness!
You want a right relationship with your husband and/or your kids? Then “seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33 KJV
My prayer: Father, we humbly come before You and ask that You show us where we have missed it. Open our eyes and ears and change our heart. Show us our sins so we may repent! Please Lord shine a light on the darkness hidden in the recesses of our heart! Show us faces where we have a breach in our relationships so we can bring restoration through forgiveness! Lord, we love You and our desire is for You; to walk in Your ways. In Jesus name we pray!
Even so - MARANATHA
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